Attacked Without Armour

im used to the crap. Im used to the on and offs. I'm used to almost all of what you launch at me.

I have been here for weeks, learning to ignore you and every comment you make. Ive learned to phase you out and not care about what you say. Your "i love you" makes me feel the exact same as the "i dont want to be with you". Since you love to play with my heart using your words all your words mean the same to me. I know once you say one thing something else completely opposite will follow later. As much as i value words you have deprived the meaning from them all so the the difference between love, hate, need or not need all mean the same. Ive learned to calm the raging emotions that usually spill out of my heart when i hear those things. Your words neither fill me or take away from me.

But than you would stoop the lowest of the low. You found my only breaking point, my achhelies heel and you attacked it.

The one thing i love beyond my own life, my everything. The biggest part of me, and the thing that holds the biggest peice of my heart. the one thing i miss and the one thing i cry for . the one thing my heart is already breaking for. the one area of my life i wish could receive some grace and mercy. that is the one place you found to pour bitterness, hate, and judgment upon.

why? because i am trying to help you? im trying to prevent the same mistakes and lifestyle that i can see in my life and the lives around me? Because im going out on a limb and trying to prevent the pain that i have to watch others including my self suffer?

Clearly you prefer pride over the well being .you prefer pride over love. but you know what they say, after pride comes the fall.

would you rather live obliviously? Blind to the things surrounding you screaming for help?

Usually a person who hears a situation like this wants to reach out their hand and help, to open their hearts and pour love all over the situation. But you really are diffrent. You would rather pull out your claws and attack everyone else to bring down, you would rather pour gasoline all over the situation and bring others to burn down.

instead of choosing to respect someones boldness and their heart that cares you would rather choose to bring them down as well.

Will attacking my one ultimate weak spot change what is happening? will it change the situation?

why would you pretend like everything is ok? would you rather a catastrophe in the end to make you see what you ignored all along?

why would you point out the pain of someone elses life and mistakes in spite? what was the point in that? to prove whats worse? the situation wasnt a comparison it was to serve as a wake up call to help before things got to out of hand. before it was too late.

so why would you sit there and point out what mistakes someone else has made? Why are you trying to bring down someone else to try and show that the situation youre suppose to help isnt so bad?

so sit there in your throne of ignorance and tell your self that it isnt bad, that its all ok. When things come crashing down and you know that you could of made a diffrence but you chose to ignore the truth I hope you remember. I hope you remember the way you spit in my face for trying to warn you. I hope you remember that you could of helped but you decided not to. I hope you remember the words you said and the way you brought down someone else and pointed out that somebody elses situation is a lot worse, and they are alot more "fucked up" instead of trying to prevent what has now happened. I hope you remember that you choose to sit in your wooden throne that you made for your self and prefered for your life of blissful ignorance over the reality.

anyway,

another part of the story we cant forget.

the beautiful words that you thanked me with. Being my best friend and all as you claim.

Its funny the way you thank the person you say is your best friend, your favorite person in the world, the person who has done the most for you, has put up with so much of your crap and has influenced and loved and enocuraged you in a way no one else has.

if this is the way you treat your best friend, the closest person to you, the one who knows the most about you, the one who was trying to help you, i pity to see the way you would treat anybody else.

anyway, you made your choice and you choose to let me go. you dishonoured me so i will honour you by leaving your life.

it was a long path we ran together but now its time we go our own ways. i cant nor will i ever have in my life someone who attacks and dishonours the one thing i love, the most important thing im my life.

a friend honours and values, and i saw just the opposite of that. when someone is vulnerable in a spot, usually they trust you enough to show you that. And if you are the one to attack it, you are the biggest enemy in their life doing worse than any other antagaist could do. Petending to be on their side only to attack them once they trust you enough take off the armour is the lowest and most hurtful way to strike.

I will not compromise my values and i will not stop fighting for what i believe. when you disrespected me by striking what i love most you wounded me in the worst way possible.

the blood runs in me, deeper than anything you could ever be to me, yes even deeper than your cutting words.